It's alright, I love you
by CJayz
Summary: The pain of loss is worse than Chika ever thought it could be, especially when it was someone he secretly loved. Shito is determined to stop Chika hurting over Shiba, but do they both get more than they bargained for? ChikoXShiba, ChikaXShito
1. Chapter 1

Shiba, did you hate me, I think you must have. How else could you have hurt me so bad, betrayed me so easily? I thought we were meant to be friends, were you lying to me the whole time? During all the time we spent together, all those memories we made together were you secretly boiling with hatred towards me. You always smiled so sincerely, could I have imagined it all?

Do you remember that summer a few years back? I could never forget. We spent the whole time together, going everywhere from the beach to the aquarium, staying up late into the night in our rented beach house near the sea, just talking about anything that came to mind. We talked about our futures as well. You always wanted to stray from the 'normal' path, the one your parents had set out for you, and I was always trying to help you. You spoke of walking the path that wasn't a path, so I told you to join a traveling circus and see the world. You laughed so hard at that. You wanted to do art, and I always supported you, even when you doubted yourself. How could we know that none of those choices would become a reality? How could anyone foresee what would really happen?

A cruel twist of fate tore me from a life that I was comfortable and happy in. I hated it. My heart had stopped against my will and I was scared. But when you were given the chance, you loved it, didn't you? You finally thought you'd achieved life from death and at the same time death from life. What happened to you? How could you suddenly turn from the person I knew so well, to someone who didn't care about another human life?  
I'm so lonely without you now. Nobody understands how I feel about this, and I don't want them to. To them you're someone who deserved to be reaped in the end after your acts of murder and betrayal. I should feel the same way, it's only normal to. But I don't. My heart hurts so much when I think I'll never see your face again, smiling and laughing at me with those eyes piercing through me. What I wouldn't give to see you again, to tell you it's alright and that I don't hate you.

Shiba…I love you.


	2. i dont care

'How annoying,' I thought as I walked down the hall. Michiru was making me fetch Chika to dinner because she didn't want him to skip dinner and be by himself. He'd been acting a little off since the incident with Shiba and she was worried about him. In my opinion she doesn't have to worry, trash like him never fuss over anything for too long before they get bored and moved on. Knocking softly on his door, I opened it just in time to see him tuck a book neatly under his pillow, before he turned to look up at me.  
"Michiru says that dinner is ready and she made your favorite, yakisoba."  
He nods, "I'll be there in a few minutes."  
I start to leave his room before pausing and glancing back. I never really noticed how empty his room was before. It had no posters, no ornaments, not even books to read. He said he wanted it that way so that he could go straight home after our debt is payed, without any fuss or feelings of attachment to the place. It had always seemed full because of the amount of energy and noise that came from him and that had always annoyed me, but now it seemed so cold and big, and he was so small and vulnerable looking in the middle of it.  
"Was there something else you wanted, Shito?" His voice cut through my thoughts. I closed the door without answering him.

I watched Shito as he closed the door and sighed heavily. I didn't want to go and have dinner with the rest of them, it was becoming more and more like a chore going down to the dining hall to force a few mouthfuls down and hold a conversation of any length, and it only reminded me how out of place I now felt around them. They expected me to act like the old Chika, always happy and acting like an idiot, and at the start I had managed to perform pretty well. But now my mask was beginning to fracture and chip, I was unsure how much longer I could keep it up. I didn't want to keep it on any longer, I felt like I was suffocating under it, screaming to be released. What did it matter anyway, none of the others cared. Michiru had pushed me away the first night that Shiba had been reaped, and according to Shito people dying is just another natural phenomenon. I was so lonely, so desperate not to be left alone in the darkness with only my thoughts and the images of Shiba disappearing before my eyes. But they left me, and although I was finally allowed to stay the night with Shito, I've become accustomed to being by myself…alone in the dark.  
Getting up, I glanced back at the book hidden beneath my pillow, remembering the words I had just written in there. I allowed my tears to fall.

The alley they were standing in wasn't lit by any street lamps and a cold fog was snaking in around their ankles. It was just Chika and Shito zombie hunting tonight, Koyomi and Sotetsu were watching 'the god of entertainment' on television together and Michiru had decided to go to the local supermarket to buy the groceries, much to Chika's protests that they needed her Shinigami eyes as they hadn't earnt as much this month, and he even threatened that he wouldn't share any change if he found any in the vending machines. Michiru had laughed at this, happy that Chika seemed to be over his depression, though Shito couldn't help but think that Chika's dramatics weren't just that; an act.  
Shito shivered slightly before straightening his jacket. They'd been out hunting for two hours but hadn't seen anything yet.  
"Maybe we should just head back to the dorms," Chika suggested. "If anything comes up I'm sure Yuuta will call us if anything big comes up."  
Shito narrowed his eyes at the un-Chika like sentence but nodded. No point in catching a cold for nothing, and a hot bath sounded like a really nice idea. As they turned to go head back a clang further down the alley attracted their attention. They turned to peer into the gloom, but nothing appeared to be out the ordinary. The moment Chika turned away though, something hurtled into the side of him, almost knocking him to the ground. It was the zombie of a man in his early twenties. Its mouth hung agape, saliva hanging down in thick glittery ropes from his rotting teeth. Its eyes were sunk right back into his head and his skin was a discolored and foul grey. It seemed as though all its bones were made rubber, because as Chika delivered a powerful kick to its ribs, its body seemed to just mold around his foot. It grabbed Chika by the shoulders and leaned in towards him, mouth opening impossibly wide as though it thought it could swallow Chika whole. Chika placed his hands on either side of the zombies head and twisted it as hard as he could stopping when he heard a satisfying crack and kicking it away in the stomach. Grabbing the opportunity, they swapped hands quickly and immediately Shito fired a shot at the zombie, hitting it square in the chest. It lowered itself onto the ground on all four and like an animal shot forward towards Chika who didn't act quickly enough. It clamped its teeth around the side of his neck, scrabbling at his shoulders with its claw like hands. Rushing forward Shito struggled to pull the zombie off, flinging it to the ground where he lined it up in his range and shot it twice in the head. It was dead. Raising his gun above his head he allowed the soft, swirling balls of light to dance around him.  
"Funeral complete," he muttered when they disappeared.  
He turned round ready to scorn Chika for getting caught when generally he could have gotten out of the way in time. Instead he gasped as he saw Chika resting against the wall. The bite from the zombie was very deep and it looked as if it had tried to tear away the chunk of flesh. It was swollen and bruised, and blood was steadily staining the front of Chika's T-shirt a dark sticky red. Three long gashes were etched horizontally into both of his arms, standing out vividly against the pale skin. His breath came out in short heavy gasps and as Shito watched as his legs gave way and he fell to the ground. Darting forward Shito caught him, and he knelt down resting Chika gently against him.  
"Screwed that up pretty badly, didn't I?" Chika said laughing softly and closing his eyes.  
"Don't speak," Shito said, stroking his partner's fringe away from his face. "It's going to be ok. We'll get Yuuta and he'll fix you up again."  
"It ok. I don't care anymore," Chika whispered.


	3. I promise

And here is the new chapter...after a very, very, very long time. I'm so sorry, I had such a bad block on this story and I'd started a new one that I kinda just ignore this one for a while. But for those who kept asking about it, i have managed to get my act together, and I will keep at it now.

Dedicated to: ashimaru, who spurred me into action. I thank you.

* * *

Shiba, where are you now? Have you really left me, or are you standing nearby just out of reach? I remember the first day I met you. I'd always hated school and the other people who went there, but the moment I walked into my first homeroom at Seihoko High School, I knew everything would be alright. I was drawn to you instantly, you weren't like the others. You never teased me about my money problems, instead you believed that money was just another form of handcuffs that held us to the boring path of life, but you still laughed as I searched everywhere we went for small change, occasionally helping out. You'd stand so proud and tall in school, smart and handsome everyone looked up to you, even some of the teachers, yet it

was to me you'd extend your hand to every lunch time, and it was me that you followed when I skipped class because I was bored. I regret now not missing more classes to spend extra time with you, it almost feels like we wasted too much of our time in those silly rooms just staring at the board, after all, what good are they now. However, I can't help but feel that maybe making you break school rules with me to have fun was what originally made you stray from your path of boredom.

Maybe in the end, I was the start of your downfall.

Chika lay in his own bed

, having made a full recovery by the hands of Yuuta, sleeping off his exhaustion. Sitting on a chair beside him was Shito, staring intently at Chika's face, whose brow was furrowed and head was moving from side to side, a soft moan escaping his lips. A nightmare. Shito reached over and gently stroked Chika's fringe, slightly dampened with sweat, away from his face.

"Chika," he whispered. "Why?"

Why had he said that. '_I don't care anymore.'_ Why didn't he care anymore? Because of Shiba, had they really been that close, in a relationship? His heart clenched painfully at that thought, he didn't want to share Chika with someone else.

No, wait, he didn't mean that. He didn't care what Chika did or who he was with…he just would prefer that it was with him. He sighed and looked at the boy that had been confusing his thoughts for the past few months.

Chika had started off as the

annoying idiot that he couldn't stand. But, after awhile he couldn't ignore the steely eyes any longer, or the strong, defined jaw line….the overall hotness of his very male partner that he tried very hard not to stare at. Not only was had his appearance become somewhat aesthetically appealing, but his personality and attitude towards others had become charming. He joked easily with others and interacted with people in a way that he himself found difficult. Not to mention that gorgeous lop sided smile he flashed to Shito when they seemed to be getting along. But most of all, although Chika constantly reminded everyone that he hated Shito, it was always Shito that was the focus of his attention. Not just when fighting each other, but Chika always seemed to check up on him, making sure he was ok. It was like he knew when Shito was feeling depressed or in pain, even if Shito never told him. It was then that Shito had decided that he really cared for Chika, feeling jealous when others got to close to the younger boy. Especially when Shiba came along.

When Shiba had been reaped, he couldn't have felt happier. Gone was the person that had been stealing his loves attention and affection. Now life could go back to normal. But it didn't. He hadn't realized how much Chika felt towards Shiba, or how badly he would be affected. The empty shell that had wondered around wearing Chika's face as a mask for the past week had made Shito angry. He hated Chika for not getting over it immediately, for not remembering about him. But now, as Chika lay in bed suffering still over the loss of his friend, and almost being killed, all Shito felt was guilt.

A small moan brought him back to attention and he sat up straighter, staring intensely at the younger boy. Chika opened his eyes slowly, meeting Shito's own who was leaning over him, their noses almost touching.

"What are you doing?" he asked, forehead creasing in puzzlement.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Shito apologized, backing away slightly. "I was just concerned. How do you feel? You had us all worried."

"I'm fine, just a bit thirsty. Can I have some water?"

Shito nodded quickly, pouring a glass from the jug on Chika's nightstand and helping him take a few sips from it. An awkward silence stretched between them as Shito sat back down, Chika kept his head turned away slightly, though Shito could still see a tinge of pink embarrassment to his cheeks. He must have remembered the last words he'd said to Shito.

Shito sighed, scratching the back of his neck thoughtfully before coming to a decision and leaning forward.

"Chika," he said seriously. "Look at me." When Chika ignored him, he stretched out a hand, grabbing hold of the boy's chin and turning it towards him. "Listen to me carefully. I don't know what's been going through your head the last few days, I can only guess. And I don't know what kind of relationship you were in with Shiba, but I do know that you're in a lot of pain. I'm sorry I didn't help you when you needed me. But for now on, I'll do everything within my power to make you happy again, I'll never leave your side again. Chika, I love you."

And with that, he leaned over and covered the surprised boy's lips with his own.

* * *

I know it's a bit short, and i will try harder to do longer chapters in future.


End file.
